Day 30 of 100.
100 Days of Human Connection.
1 piece of content, every day, for 100 days.
Asking for support and not getting it, brought up an old story from my early teens.
My stepdad was a tyrant. He didn’t like my brothers and me and revered his own two girls. He didn’t trust us, let alone love us.
I remember sitting my mom and he down in the throes of a heated argument, demanding they stop and resolve their issues, as my youngest brother and one of my stepdad’s daughters, were upstairs, hiding out until the yelling was over.
Enough, I said. That’s enough.
Later, my mom threatened me never to make her choose between my stepdad and me, because she would choose him every time.
I carried that story. The story that I’m not worth supporting. That I’m not worth standing up to a controlling tyrant for. I’d have to do it myself.
Deep and hard conversations happened last night and today. I cried a lot today remembering and then retelling the stories. My partner listened. I said I think I have more to heal. He said he’d listen when I’m ready.
Love is at the root of all of it. Not only for my partner, but mostly, the love I’m reclaiming for that 14 year old girl – so she can love herself now, and know that she deserves, and always did deserve to be supported.
#imperfectengagement
