Day 31 of 100.
100 Days of Human Connection.
1 piece of content, every day, for 100 days.
Memories have been flooding in, taking me back to my teens when my comfort in chaos began.
My stepdad didn’t like us and he and my mom blamed my siblings and I as the reason they had relationship troubles.
I remember being upstairs, hearing them scream at one another, throwing things around while my youngest brother and step sister sat upstairs together listening to it. I went downstairs and confronted them. I said simply. “ENOUGH. THAT’S ENOUGH.”. I made them both sit down at the kitchen table and talk it out, my stepdad attempting to belittle me and mock me.
Ironically after the older of my two brothers and I left the house, they had no more excuses and realized it was their relationship, their broken and wounded selves that caused their relationship to implode. Sadly, my youngest brother, I found out many years later, got shoved around by the tyrant.
I am a fighter, a protector, a negotiator, a facilitator. It’s who I am and it’s a part of me that thought I’d failed at that. Part of that self kept me alive, that survivor. It also made me angry, bitter and scared a lot of the time, as well as untrusting.
I am feeling the feelings I pushed down for so long, letting the memories and the tears flood back.
This time, my heart is open. This time I’m not looking away or pushing it away in order to go to school or have friends or go to work.
I’m embracing that frightened, hurt teen and letting her breathe, letting her feel.
And she is amazing.
#imperfectengagement
