Radically Vulnerable

Tuning in to a new frequency

I started a list recently of all the life experiences I never talk about with strangers. The list is long, in fact, some of the most painful experiences I’ve collected on my human journey here, I’ve shared with only those closest to me, and even then, there was judgement, sometimes from their own lived experience.

I have never felt like I could show up as my truest, most authentic self in every situation.

Here’s a simple example, one that, in a roundabout way, prompted the creation of this account.

I went for a job interview (like I have countless times before). The open position was a customer-facing one at our local rural library. During the interview, I was asked the question,”If we contacted your last supervisor, what would they tell us you needed to work on?”.

Job interviews are very confusing to me and always have been. Intellectually I know the questions are designed to weed out folks who don’t have the skills and personality that would fit into the work culture, but also to discover things about the person that can’t be communicated on paper.

I’m always honest, and honest is not necessarily going to get you the job.

Here’s how I responded truthfully:

“I think my former boss would say I needed to work on listening to her, really practising deep listening.”

This was because my former boss and I would come to odds when she would ask me to do something, and I could see ahead to some issues with what she wanted me to do and I’d express that. To her, I wasn’t listening and she said as much, but to me, I was being helpful in strategizing how we could overcome future obstacles. So I shut down. It was quite clear to me when this happened over and over, my approach gentler and gentler, that I was supposed to listen ONLY.

But what came out of my mouth was that I needed to be a better listener. Of course, as a public-facing representative, listening is critical.

And the truth is, I am a deep listener, especially when folks are asking for help.

This is a simple example, but I have always felt like I didn’t fit into the ‘working world’ and in recent years, I understand why.

That long list of life experiences I don’t share? All of those things actually needed to be acknowledged, felt deeply and released. They stayed in my body and wreaked havoc for many years. And it’s still a process.

But what I can tell you is, it has opened my life up to joy, fulfillment and a spaciousness I have never known, or at least could not remember.

It has raised my vibration! It has tuned me in to a new kind of life and it’s an amazing one.

And because I think it’s critical for folks to connect, to not feel as alone and isolated as I felt, I’m going to write about some of those life experiences that brought me pain, but also eventually deep, unimaginable healing, in fact, generational healing.

I will provide Content Warnings (CW) and Trigger Warnings (TW) so you can navigate how you’d like consume my posts.

Thank you for being part of this time in my journey.