The Beavers and the Snake

Messages from animal elders

The start of summer here has been a gong show, and also a magical, magnificent, extended therapy session with myself.

The mirror moves from side to side and all around, like a fun house.

I am finding the joy in the excavation.

We rented a cottage, sort of last minute, and were excited to find it comfortable, clean and not far from the beach access. We settled in. The next day (a holiday) at 7:30 a.m., the construction crew arrived to start work on the new house build, directly next door. I’d say it was almost 100 ft away from the window? That continued for the extent of the 5 days there. 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. We spent a lot of time at the beach and it wouldn’t have been so bad, except that our small, timid rescue puppy was with us, and we left her in the crate when we went to the beach (other dogs were off-leash) and she trembled in her crate from the noise. We took turns taking the 1,789 steps (really maybe 30) up and down from the beach every 90 min to check on her and spend time with her. It was also 170 degrees outside (maybe 35-40 C with the humidex).

The night before, I had a breakdown. It was a bawling session, where I was triggered, became angry, dug deeper and realized I had pent up shame and anger attached to not being present at home (as a teenager) when my youngest brother experienced verbal and physical violence from my then stepdad. This was long held pain and anger that kept showing up in my life.

Dan just held me in bed while I sobbed and sobbed. Tears are welling up now as I think about it.

Dan also addressed some of his own pain. And he got really honest about the traits he may have carried, some he doesn’t necessarily like or is proud of, from his own family line. He practised great humility and I’m super proud of him.

I’m proud of us.

I no longer have tolerance for a fake life. I no longer can pretend like everything is okay in the world and in my own life.

I can no longer hold back and play small.

I can no longer hold my tongue for the sake of being nice, and push down my own anger and pain.

I can no longer hide my power.

I will no longer shrink to appease anyone.

I can no longer ignore my intuition, even when everyone else does not believe me.

When we returned from our break, we took our lovely puppy (her name is Lucy) for our usual walk in our conservation area.

This is what we came across while crossing a bridge.

We live in Ontario, Canada. The beaver is a very Canadian symbol. (That’s Dan’s voice in the background. I’m holding Lucy.)

And this! They are cleaning each other’s tails! It’s a social ritual of beavers.

In all my 58 years of living in Canada, I have never seen a beaver in the wild this close.

We spent several minutes watching in awe.

Then we carried on down the trail and not long after saw a small snake.

We are building something powerful together. We are building a foundation. We are shedding old skin. We are shedding old ancestral, familial patterns because we are facing them with courage and with self compassion. And we are holding each other through it.

We are seeing the beauty in the excavation, in the digging up of old patterns, putting a mirror up to parts of ourselves that brought us shame in the past but because we are shedding light on them now, shame scurries.

We are removing barriers to loving ourselves and making room for new identities and new ways of showing up in the world.

We are making space for our own power.

And the vacation? Well, next door, a new construction, a new house? As annoying as it was, and as we watched our puppy slowly get used to the sounds, we too are getting used to new construction and the sound of building something new for all of us.