Sunday, March 29, 2020 - Ode



This is another piece I wrote this past summer but hadn't finished until today.


ODE


It's time I made peace with you,

I've given you a lot of grief,

I've treated you so badly, abused you in so many ways,

But I didn't mean to, I mean, I felt like I had no choice.


Mom told me I had a great personality and a pretty face,

Then she gave me that book, "The Woman Doctor's Diet for Teenaged Girls",

I knew what all that meant.


If I could mold myself into the expectation, maybe things would be better,

Maybe Dad would stay,

I was trouble, after all,

All my 'feelings' and my 'sensitivity'.


I'm so sorry I didn't realize how important you were to me,

You make it look easy, one breath in and one breath out.

I guess I took it for granted you would always be there.


You gave me a scare a few times,

But I guess I likely scared the shit out of you too,

We've had such a complex relationship.


I guess I needed to get out of my own head,

But more importantly, I needed to get out of the heads of others,

I really have no idea what's on the minds of others,

But that's not my battle, it's theirs.


I'm grateful you've stuck it out with me,

I'm so glad you haven't given up on me,

I had to do some housecleaning,

Before I was ready to care for you in a meaningful way.


Thank you for making me see your beauty and strength,

Thanks for your resilience and tenacity,

I sense you are getting tired,

I hope I'm not too late.


I know you need me to step up, and I'm ready,

You're weary from holding us both up,

I'm here now,

I'm ready to take an active role,

I'm at peace with you now.


I'll take care of you, it's my turn,

We're in this together,

I can't thank you enough for believing in me,

And knowing I would come around,

Even when I didn't


I wrap my arms around my own shoulders,

And I step back from the mirror,

It's time to take care of my body,

It's time to take care of me.


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© 2019 Shauna M Rae