Tuesday, April 7, 2020 - Surrender

I came to a whole bunch of realizations. World leaders can collaborate. There is goodness in the world. Despite making progress, there is still more to do.

I read a post from a woman who inspires me. I attended one of Shari Graydon's workshops in Toronto last year. She runs a non profit called Informed Opinions, a group that looks to empower more women to be recognized as 'experts' in the media.

Graydon wrote about a podcast episode (Sugar Calling) with authors Cheryl Strayed and George Sanders. Sanders is a professor and he read a note he had sent out to his students during this time. In it, he encourages his students to witness this time in history with their writing. Shari Graydon encouraged the many women she has connected with to do the same.

I believe in miracles; incredulous transformations. I believe that anyone can change if they choose to. And I always hold out hope, even when someone appears to be 'too far gone'.

I have been awed by the strength of our leaders and their commitment to collaborate. Although there is still lingering blame is some pockets of the media, there seems to be genuine desire to work together; authentic compassion towards each other. I have to believe this will be something we will do in the future too.

I have been working on myself too. It's been a messy, aggressive battle with the tyranny of my own thoughts. Two different sources have suggested that I need to get still to get 'underneath' the noise; to get to the real magic, the real work.

So many things have come up, so many unresolved issues and I feel like I can't run.

I've been trying different nature sounds as a backdrop for my meditations. This morning was running water, like in a river. And I felt like the water was surrounding me. I have always been afraid of drowning but the water seems warm and comforting as it surrounds me. But it also lets me know, there is no way out, but to go inward.

All manner of unresolved grief, shame and stories I've been telling myself come to the surface. It's scary but it's necessary.

The world is no different; you are no different.

These issues have to come up, and come out; they had to come to the surface so that we can name them and release them; so we can step forward and leave them for good.

I feel tired every day from purging. Growth is painful but it's necessary.


The feverish pitch of the running water,

The sorrow, the pain, the anguish,

The deflection of what could have been.

Choices, responsibility, regret, noise,

Washed away with cleansing tears.

The need to escape and run away,

Suddenly overtaken by surrender,

And with grief.

Lay down your weapons, your cruel words,

Relinquish control,

Let go, let forgiveness wash over your soul.